For the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about the word かわいい. This once-ok term has become one in which I am ambivalent to these days. Why? Because I am told nearly every day that I am "cute." This is not anything to get excited over because Japanese people say I am かわいい just as they say a dog is かわいい. The term "cute" will forever be ruined and meaningless for me. And if some guy, heaven forbid, ever said I was cute, I think I would laugh and tell him to try a little harder.
Yesterday I was looking through the 2005 JET Handbook for tax information for PA purposes. I honestly have never picked up the Handbook in my entire time on JET. But while searching the glossary I stumbled upon an article called "The Female JET." As I read it I kept thinking, "Wow, this is exactly right," especially after my recent thoughs about かわいい. Sometime very soon I will be pitching the JET Handbook. For that reason, I'm typing the entire article out so that I have a record of it. Maybe you female readers can relate to parts of this, too.
The Female JET
The best advice for women coming to Japan is probably, "do not over adapt." You will find that the expectations of women are different from your country, but remember that you have a choice as to how you respond to these expectations. Exercise this choice, and do not let yourself be led along by people pressuring you to conform to the norm of Japanese femininity any more than you feel is appropriate. The Japanese are as eager to learn about you as you are about them, and you owe it to yourself and to others to be yourself.
One of the ways Japanese open conversation is through compliments. Prepare for constant comments about your appearance. Compliments are perceived as an easy way to communicate and will be showered on you when you are being introduced to your office, your classes, prospective friends, and will even come from complete strangers you pass on the street. You may come to feel like you are not really in Japan for grassroots internationalisation, but in a rather superficial way to look good and smile. On the other hand, advice on your dress and hairstyle or comments on your weight may not be welcome. Handle these comments as politely and firmly as possible. The trouble is that it is easy to believe the compliments and get upset at the "insults" when in fact both are probably untrue. Maintain perspective and a solid self-image; do not let others define you; you are the same person you were at home, and it's in your best interest to subtly but firmly communicate this to those around you.
Most of the ideas of what non-Japanese women are like come from movies and not from personal acquaintance. This can lead to misunderstandings when people are faced with the real thing. You will probably receive a lot of attention from both men and women: some will be incessantly curious and others will see to be absolutely terrified of you. At first you may despair of finding anyone who is willing to get to know you on your own terms, but by being yourself most people will eventually treat you as another human being and not define you as a foreign woman.
There is a fixed hierarchy in Japanese society which determines how people interact form the language used to the depth of bows. You will be outside this hierarchy to some extent and thus can do many things that Japanese women would never do and still be treated with more respect than your age and gender normally command. However, women still tend to be second place in the Japanese workplace and you may have some disagreeable experiences. For example, you may not like the idea of women having to serve tea to everybody and you may be shocked at incidents which you perceive as sexual harassment. How you react in these circumstances is up to you, but it is important to discuss your opinions with others while maintaining cultural sensitivity.
Dating in Japan can be difficult for foreign women as they are often considered to be more opinionated than their Japanese counterparts. Japanese men often perceive them as threatening and are therefore unwilling to approach them. This may cause some women to feel unwanted and less attractive than in their home countries. However, some female JETs do find partners while in Japan and learn to share their culture with their partner as well as adapt to that of Japan. You may very well find your prince charming here in Japan, the important thing is to keep an open mind and be true to yourself.
Yesterday I received an email notification that I was accepted to Indiana University Masters of Language Education program. Nothing from University of Washington yet. But even if accepted there, I would say there is a 95% chance I will be going to IU. Breathing a huge sigh of relief that I was accepted AND that I have a plan after JET. (Big smile on my face...:)
